i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
