i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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