I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
