I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
