my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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