i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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