what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
