I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
50% drunk capacity currently
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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