oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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