I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
