Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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