you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
