sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
