I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
