I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
