the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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