Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
