remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
