i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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