Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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