it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
