Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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