hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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