you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
