3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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