Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
