he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
