Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
my poor anus
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
