I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
