she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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