I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
