my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
