Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
