at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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