Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
