sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
When did angry sex become our thing?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
