I just saw a hot homeless man
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
