Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
