you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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