I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
two words: eviction party
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
