Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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