the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
