Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
