If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
