we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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