He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
