There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
