Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
