I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I need a beard to bite.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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