Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
