At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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