Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
