Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
