if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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