apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
