you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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